Watchmen

This Movie Made Me: Kind of Disappointed

It’s been a 23-year-long trek to the screen for Watchmen. Handed from director to director and studio to studio, the heralded graphic novel has finally hit screens courtesy of Warner Brothers and director Zack Snyder (300.) Adapting the dense work is no small task for anyone, but Snyder and company are so slavishly faithful the film loses most of the suspense and subtext that made the graphic novel so thrilling.

In an alternate version of 1985, where Richard Nixon is still president and U.S./Soviet tensions are higher than ever, society has shunned all forms of costumed heroes. The reclusion takes a violent turn when The Comedian is violently beaten and thrown to his death. Sociopathic vigilante Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) decides to track down the killer, convinced there’s a force determined to rid the world of costumed crime fighters. He reconnects with his former partners to warn them, but they’ve got problems of their own. But after a former hero survives an assassination attempt and Rorschach is framed for murder, the Watchmen begin to realize that Rorschach’s suspicions may be true.

The graphic novel’s strength lied in its complicated, compelling characters. These former crime fighters are all struggling to adjust to normal lives: the truly powerful Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) is becoming increasingly less concerned with human matters, much to the distress of his ex-partner/girlfriend Laurie (Malin Akerman). The former Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) is aging and dealing with impotence. Only Adrian Veidt (Matthew Goode), the world’s smartest man, seems to have adjusted to post-hero life by licensing his alter-ego and becoming a successful businessman. But with this fresh-faced cast, their world-weariness comes off as whininess. Akerman and Goode are especially miscast, short on years and dramatic subtlety. Their one-note performances shortchange two of the film’s most intriguing characters.

Thankfully the cast is not uniformly bland. Haley and Crudup are tailor-made for their roles, giving remarkable life and vitality to their characters. Haley’s diminutive stature makes him an unlikely hero, but his frightening determination and hard-edged voice are something to behold. Dr. Manhattan, astonishingly rendered, becomes tragically conflicted in his alienation – all thanks to Crudup’s tender, quietly contemplative voice. And Carla Gugino is alluring and affecting in an all-too-brief performance as Laurie’s mother.

Not that Snyder gives them much time to grow. It’s easy to admire Watchmen for retaining as much of the graphic novel as it did. But by doing that, they’ve lost what it all really means. Plenty of images are taken directly from the novel, as well as a great deal of dialogue. It’s as if the filmmakers saw the graphic novel and figured if they replicated it exactly, they’d get the same meaning. The whole film is rushed through, with the exception of an irritatingly slow and indulgent sex scene (which shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s seen 300.) The big moments are sped through, and have no more dramatic weight than Superman rescuing a kitten in a tree.

Even more frustrating are the things they got right. The two major diversions from the book – the opening credits and an altered ending – are among the most exciting moments in the film. They’re different, but they are completely faithful in spirit. If only the filmmakers had taken more chances. The use of music is often brilliant, from Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable” echoing through the violent opening scene to Philip Glass mythologizing the creation of Dr. Manhattan.

This film could have been directed by Gilliam. It could have been directed by Aronofsky or Greengrass. Instead we got the guy who thinks slo-mo is the most awesome thing ever. As a fan of the book, it’s all anyone could ask for. As a fan of films, it’s playing it too safe. Watchmen could have been a whole lot worse, for sure. But in the hands of a more daring director, it could have been so much more.

Two Lovers

This Movie Made Me: Meditative

The chamber room dramas of the 1970s are perhaps some of the greatest films ever made. Kramer vs. Kramer, Interiors – character studies that were quiet, contemplative, and ultimately shattering. With Two Lovers, director James Gray (We Own the Night) takes these sensibilities and a few strong performances to create a bleak but transformative tale of love.

Leonard (Joaquin Phoenix) recently moved back in with his parents. Still reeling after a failed engagement, Leonard teeters on the brink of suicide. His parents set up a meeting between him and Sondra (Vinessa Shaw), the daughter of the man taking over his father’s dry cleaning business. Soon after, Leonard meets upstairs neighbor Michelle (Gwyneth Paltrow), an exciting but destructive woman having an affair with a married lawyer.

Leonard is desperately in love with Michelle, but she can’t break things off with the lawyer. Sondra adores Leonard, but he’s ready to throw everything aside for a relationship with Michelle. Leonard must decide who to turn to – the woman he adores but may never reciprocate, or the woman who would devote herself to him entirely.

Sondra is in the same place as Leonard; they both love someone who only wants friendship. He implores Michelle to accept him, telling her she’ll learn to love him with time. Should he follow Michelle and risk rejection, or should he turn away and save Sondra from the same kind of rejection?

At the heart of Two Lovers is the enigmatic Leonard, brought to stunning realization by Phoenix. His speech is slurred, and he shuffles around with a world-weary look – he is completely real, a broken soul looking for a reason to live. He’s quiet and earnest with Sondra, outgoing and jokey with Michelle. Phoenix splits Leonard into two people, and seeing which side survives is absolutely thrilling.

Paltrow’s Michelle is wild and exciting – teetering on the edge of control. Shaw’s Sondra is quiet and sweet, too devoted to speak out when Leonard turns away. They create completely different scenarios, and Shaw and Paltrow put in fine, thoughtful performances. As Leonard’s mother, Isabella Rosselini also puts in an impressive performance where looks mean more than words.

The screen is filled with images that constantly infer Leonard’s place between Michelle and Sondra. As Leonard and Sondra make love, the camera drifts over to Michelle’s window across the courtyard. The style and mechanics of the film become almost invisible, paving the way for the elegant writing and natural performances to lead the way.

Two Lovers shows how dependent love can be – how a relationship cannot be fulfilled without reciprocation. It seems like a no-brainer, but Gray and Phoenix show it isn’t as simple as it seems. If Two Lovers is remembered only for being Phoenix’s last performance (apparently), then that’s all the better. With any luck, future filmgoers will turn to it and find an honest reflection on the things that affect us all.

Coraline

This movie made me: Unsettled

You know how the old saying goes: be careful what you wish for. Not everything is as it seems. When young Coraline discovers the family she always wanted, she soon learns that dreams can quickly turn into nightmares. And courtesy of author Neil Gaiman and director Henry Selick, those nightmares transform Coraline into one of the most inventive and mature animated films in years.

Coraline (voiced by Dakota Fanning) has just moved into a creaky old house, and she isn’t happy about it. Her parents are too busy working to notice her, the neighbors are unbearably eccentric, and nearly everybody calls her “Caroline” instead of her real name. Then, one night, she opens a small door in the house that leads to an exact replica of her apartment. Her family is there, too – or her Other Family. The people of this world are filled with affection and love for Coraline. The only thing off is the black buttons sewn in place of their eyes. But when Coraline refuses the Other Mother’s offer to stay forever, the sinister truth behind this new world begins to show.

There are several frightening images in this other world, and the audience isn’t spared a bit. It’s refreshing to see a family film put so much faith in its audience’s maturity, and it is legitimately unsettling. Coraline’s nightmare is truly that – a terrifying place where the worst will happen without a moment’s warning. It moves from charming to unnerving on a whim – thanks in no small part to Teri Hatcher’s inspired work as the Other Mother, a surprisingly subtle mix of sweetness and wickedness. This twisted darkness only sets it apart from more generic kid’s fare, and enhances its brilliance.

Every inch of talent Selick displayed in The Nightmare Before Christmas has been increased two-fold. Every frame bleeds with Gothic frenzy; the drab and angular real world is perfectly contrasted with the colorful Other World filled with dancing mice, talking bugs, and flowers that tickle. It is a feast for the eyes, and easily the most accomplished stop-motion animated film in over a decade. No amount of praise is enough for Bruno Coulais’s magically creepy and brilliantly unconventional score.

It’s easy to say that Coraline is too scary for kids – indeed, it takes animation to more intense levels than most filmmakers would dare go – but to advise anyone against seeing it would be a crime. A triumph of boundless creativity and masterful storytelling, it is simply a film that must be seen to be believed. Like the best nightmares it is disturbing, unsettling, and – most importantly – unforgettable.

New in Town

This movie made me: Indifferent

Wasn’t Fargo a great movie? Don’t you just love Minnesota, where the women have names like Trudy and Blanche, and where the men ice fish and drive pick-ups? Wouldn’t it be awesome if there were another movie like that? That’s what the makers of New in Town hope you’re thinking. But by pulling out every romantic-comedy joke in the book, this wintry flick is blander than casserole without green beans, dontcha know.

A Miami-based corporation is in the midst of restructuring several of its plants, including one in remote New Ulm, Minnesota. When no one volunteers to oversee the process, driven businesswoman Lucy Hill (Renee Zellweger) reluctantly accepts the job. In Minnesota, she finds herself fighting against over-friendly neighbors, skeptical co-workers and the bitter cold. As she begins to restructure the plant, she finds herself at odds (both personally and professionally) with the local union rep, Ted Mitchell (Harry Connick, Jr.) He’s a handsome widower who hates Lucy at first sight… so you all know what that means. And as Lucy spends more time in the snow-covered town, she discovers that the little people mean more to a company than figures and paychecks.

There is a certain romantic allure to snowy forests and small town Christmases, but we can only take so much. The film so drab, dark and sparse it recalls the snowy landscapes of last year’s X-Files movie – not the image you want while watching a romantic comedy. Jokes about the weather, scrapbooking and tapioca aren’t doing any favors either. There are tired, clichéd Midwestern jokes galore – so many that it transcends reality. I don’t know about you, but an entire town gathering around a giant Christmas tree and singing carols is more Whoville than Minnesota.

With her round face and pouty lips, Zellweger adds the same kind of spoiled humor she’s been doing for years. The shtick has lost its brilliance since her early ‘00s heyday. Here, she’s nothing more than a perpetually cold Bridget Jones. The cast has its share of genuinely funny character actors – including Siobhan Fallon Hogan, Frances Conroy and J.K. Simmons – but they don’t have much to do other than roll out the same old “Ya, you betcha” thing we’ve seen for years.

New in Town is Fargo without the wood chipper – and that’s not meant to be an endorsement for family-friendly audiences. Entirely inoffensive but completely riskless, the film is never anything more than “cute.” When a comedy exclusively relies on stereotypes that were used brilliantly years ago, it's clear the filmmakers were about a decade too late.

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans

This movie made me: Mildly Disoriented

Regardless of its lack of originality (vampires vs. werewolves) or distinct style (a bluer riff on The Matrix), but Underworld and its 2006 sequel Underworld: Evolution managed to entertain in spades. Now it takes an unfortunate step towards bloated epicness with Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, an almost entirely unnecessary prequel.

A long time ago in a land that’s probably somewhere in central Europe, werewolves (or Lycans) were the daytime guardians of the vampires. They were treated as animals, and ruled over by the icy and imposing Viktor (Bill Nighy). The one Lycan who appears to have Viktor’s favor is Lucian (Michael Sheen), born and bred in captivity. Lucian has fallen in love with Viktor’s beloved daughter, the predictably feisty Sonja (Rhona Mitra). A love between the two species is forbidden, and as Lucian sees the injustices his kind suffers, he begins to realize his true calling.

Perhaps the biggest thing the filmmakers got wrong was something they did years ago – they already told the story. Lucian’s rise against the vampires was told (albeit in quick flashbacks and narratives) in the original Underworld. And other than adding some dialogue and a few fights, the film offers nothing new. Any battles between the main characters are totally devoid of suspense, as viewers familiar with the series already know their ultimate fates. Sheen, hot off his critical successes in prestige pics like The Queen and Frost/Nixon, makes for a slightly more dynamic hero than what’s usually seen in horror films. Nighy remains a genuinely frightening vampire, but Mitra seems there only for her resemblance to Kate Beckinsale.

The film’s saving grace could have been its action. But with its endless barrage of breakneck handheld shots and frenetic editing, it just becomes confusing. In some cases, literally nothing can be understood. We must wait until the action dies down to actually determine what happened. This is a dizzying task that teeters on the edge of headache-inducing.

So for fans of the Underworld series, this film is here for you in case you didn’t understand something about the history lesson in the first film. Prequels are a tricky thing. But when your prequel doesn’t say anything that hasn’t been said in the other films… you’ve probably done something wrong.

Valkyrie

This Movie Made Me: Sufficiently Anxious

As the age-old saying goes: actions speak louder than words. That is particularly the case with Valkryie, Bryan Singer’s new thriller depicting the true story of a failed assassination attempt on Adolf Hitler. Perhaps it’s all for the best, since the actors spew out a hodgepodge of accents that hinder the film. And despite genuine thrills, a stiff Tom Cruise performance makes Valkyrie just another run-of-the-mill thriller.

Colonel Claus von Stauffenberg (Cruise) is stationed in Africa during the latter years of WWII. After an attack leaves him wounded and blind in one eye, von Stauffenberg returns to Germany. His animosity towards Hitler lands him in a group of high-ranking officials plotting to overthrow Hitler and start a new government. Von Stauffenberg presents Operation Valkyrie, meant to be used in case of a SS revolt, as the perfect means to assassinate Hitler and end his reign of terror.

Singer’s talent for making unbearably tense sequences is on full display here. Even though the ultimate end of the plot is obvious, the assassination attempt is an expertly crafted nail biter. Intricately detailed and as drawn out as possible, it is impossible not to be spellbound by the time von Stauffenberg has Hitler in his sights. This is filmmaking much more focused than his work in the X-Men series and in Superman Returns.

If only the rest of the film kept up with him. Cruise seems to be unable to emote properly with only one eye. Having the only American accent doesn’t help either. There are accents abound in Valkyrie – mostly British, and most of the actual German accents are reserved for the bad guys. While it may have saved Cruise the embarrassment of ridiculous accents, the eclectic mix takes away more from the film than it adds to it. It is a particular travesty that Carice van Houten (mesmerizing in Paul Verhoeven’s Black Book) has only a few precious minutes of screen time. As von Stauffenberg’s wife, her character seems almost an afterthought as written. But van Houten speaks volumes without saying a word. And in the end, it’s her we remember.

Valkyrie is a solid thriller – an accomplishment enough, given how obvious its ending will be. The detail constructed in the suspenseful sequences is top-notch and not to be missed. Whether or not it returns Tom Cruise to box office glory remains to be seen. But if Valkyrie does, it will be because of film power – not star power.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

This Movie Made Me: Bored

Keanu Reeves is learning. Not learning how to act, but learning how to use his lack of expressions effectively. His latest inexpressive character is Klaatu, the foreboding alien at the center of The Day the Earth Stood Still. This effects-laden remake is about as exciting as listening to Reeves reading a senate environmental bill.

A mysterious space object lands in Central Park. (Because anybody who’s anybody attacks New York first). But instead of an asteroid, scientists find a large glowing orb. Two beings emerge from it: a surprisingly retro robot/alien hybrid named Gort and an alien life form quickly reborn as Keanu Reeves. When the alien’s intentions become clear, the government tries to strengthen its hold on him and he takes off with a sympathetic scientist (Jennifer Connelly) and her son (Jaden Smith).

Sounds exciting, right? Not really. Aside from a few scenes that can best be described as “creepy,” the film is all talk. The scientists wonder what the alien could want, a government bigwig (in this case, Kathy Bates) feeling threatened, the alien escapes and then… they talk some more! It’s not that the film suffers from too much set-up and too little pay-off. The talking just moves around in circle and, despite all the talk of impending doom, no one ever actually seems worried. And when the apocalypse finally arrives, it can best be described as mind-numbing. Never before has the destruction of mankind been so boring.

And it’s not as if the film suffers from a lack of ambience. Director Scott Derrickson (The Exorcism of Emily Rose) fills the film with appropriately eerie scenes of misty forests and sparse landscapes, all of which tie into the film’s unabashed green sensibilities. If only the script gave the filmmakers some thrills to work with. Reeves’ lack of versatility actually serves him well – let’s face it, no one seems more natural at being flat than him. Connelly, Jon Hamm and Kyle Chandler provide sufficient support, even if they all looks the same. It’s almost as if mankind already suffered an alien attack that obliterated everyone with brightly-colored hair.

Whether or not The Day the Earth Stood Still warranted a remake is beside the point. When the results are this mediocre, there’s no point in arguing for or against. It shows that the director can make pretty pictures, but not much else. And it shows that Keanu Reeves can convincingly play an unemotional alien. But we already knew that.