Race to Witch Mountain

This Movie Made Me: Bored

Disney’s 1975 sci-fi family flick “Escape to Witch Mountain” is a classic example of the House of Mouse’s output at the time – not all that good, but enough to enchant kids long enough to make it a family mainstay. Now it gets the high-tech, big budget updo with “Race to Witch Mountain,” starring Disney’s newest family man Dwayne Johnson. But despite Johnson’s affable sense of humor, explosions galore and a pair of precocious aliens, the film is more of a walkathon than an actual race.

Jack Bruno (Johnson) is a down-on-his-luck cab driver in Las Vegas caught in the middle of a UFO convention – one that introduces him to everyone from two nerdy Storm Troopers to a va-voomy astrophysicist (Carla Gugino.) But suddenly Sara (AnnaSophia Robb) and Seth (Alexander Ludwig) appear in his cab with thousands of dollars in cash and geographic coordinates for a destination. After a high-speed chase with a couple of black vans and a terrifying encounter with fireball-spewing assassin, Jack begins to realize there’s something… otherworldly about those kids. They’re soon on a breakneck race to Witch Mountain, a top-secret military base that’s housing their spacecraft. And if they don’t beat the government and the assassin tracking them, Earth’s very survival will be at stake.

If that’s not how you remember the original, don’t worry. “Race to Witch Mountain” is one of those that purports to be a “re-imagining” instead of a remake. But this re-imagining throws out everything imaginative in favor of a standard let’s-run-away-from-the-bad-guys shtick we’ve seen a million times before. The villains are a bunch of government suits, distinguishable only as the serious guy, the smart guy, and the whiny guy. The brother-and-sister aliens still have their powers, though this time around they can do cool stuff like wreck cars and pass through solid materials.

These new super kids should have made this movie all the more exciting, right? Not really. Looks like director Andy Fickman (“The Game Plan”) had no idea how to make an action movie. The chase is pretty much relentless, but the movie is so dark, shaky, and fast that it is often incomprehensible. They were clearly trying to emulate the “Bourne” style of action; but the end product is messy, not masterful.

Johnson is a genuinely entertaining performer, and he tries his best here. The problem is that the script gives him no opportunities to showcase his macho-chicken sense of humor, or even his action prowess. It doesn’t give anyone any opportunities, really – except to run and spew sci-fi babble. The characters don’t have any motivation other than “that’s what you’re supposed to do in an action movie.” Case in point: when Jack and his alien chums are cornered in a small-town diner, the town sheriff and a friendly waitress come to their aid without hesitation. Why? Probably because they’re played by the original film’s stars, Kim Richards and Iake Eissinmann. It’s a nice throwback to the film’s roots, but you’d think they’d at least wonder why a guy and two kids are being chased by the government.

It’s not like a “Witch Mountain” remake/re-imagining/whatever was a bad idea, especially one molded around Johnson’s comedic action antics. But you can’t help but be bored when the best joke is an alien asking, “Are we there yet?” Too unexciting to be an action film, too unfunny to be a family comedy, “Race to Witch Mountain” is a perfect definition of “meh.”

Watchmen

This Movie Made Me: Kind of Disappointed

It’s been a 23-year-long trek to the screen for Watchmen. Handed from director to director and studio to studio, the heralded graphic novel has finally hit screens courtesy of Warner Brothers and director Zack Snyder (300.) Adapting the dense work is no small task for anyone, but Snyder and company are so slavishly faithful the film loses most of the suspense and subtext that made the graphic novel so thrilling.

In an alternate version of 1985, where Richard Nixon is still president and U.S./Soviet tensions are higher than ever, society has shunned all forms of costumed heroes. The reclusion takes a violent turn when The Comedian is violently beaten and thrown to his death. Sociopathic vigilante Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley) decides to track down the killer, convinced there’s a force determined to rid the world of costumed crime fighters. He reconnects with his former partners to warn them, but they’ve got problems of their own. But after a former hero survives an assassination attempt and Rorschach is framed for murder, the Watchmen begin to realize that Rorschach’s suspicions may be true.

The graphic novel’s strength lied in its complicated, compelling characters. These former crime fighters are all struggling to adjust to normal lives: the truly powerful Dr. Manhattan (Billy Crudup) is becoming increasingly less concerned with human matters, much to the distress of his ex-partner/girlfriend Laurie (Malin Akerman). The former Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) is aging and dealing with impotence. Only Adrian Veidt (Matthew Goode), the world’s smartest man, seems to have adjusted to post-hero life by licensing his alter-ego and becoming a successful businessman. But with this fresh-faced cast, their world-weariness comes off as whininess. Akerman and Goode are especially miscast, short on years and dramatic subtlety. Their one-note performances shortchange two of the film’s most intriguing characters.

Thankfully the cast is not uniformly bland. Haley and Crudup are tailor-made for their roles, giving remarkable life and vitality to their characters. Haley’s diminutive stature makes him an unlikely hero, but his frightening determination and hard-edged voice are something to behold. Dr. Manhattan, astonishingly rendered, becomes tragically conflicted in his alienation – all thanks to Crudup’s tender, quietly contemplative voice. And Carla Gugino is alluring and affecting in an all-too-brief performance as Laurie’s mother.

Not that Snyder gives them much time to grow. It’s easy to admire Watchmen for retaining as much of the graphic novel as it did. But by doing that, they’ve lost what it all really means. Plenty of images are taken directly from the novel, as well as a great deal of dialogue. It’s as if the filmmakers saw the graphic novel and figured if they replicated it exactly, they’d get the same meaning. The whole film is rushed through, with the exception of an irritatingly slow and indulgent sex scene (which shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s seen 300.) The big moments are sped through, and have no more dramatic weight than Superman rescuing a kitten in a tree.

Even more frustrating are the things they got right. The two major diversions from the book – the opening credits and an altered ending – are among the most exciting moments in the film. They’re different, but they are completely faithful in spirit. If only the filmmakers had taken more chances. The use of music is often brilliant, from Nat King Cole’s “Unforgettable” echoing through the violent opening scene to Philip Glass mythologizing the creation of Dr. Manhattan.

This film could have been directed by Gilliam. It could have been directed by Aronofsky or Greengrass. Instead we got the guy who thinks slo-mo is the most awesome thing ever. As a fan of the book, it’s all anyone could ask for. As a fan of films, it’s playing it too safe. Watchmen could have been a whole lot worse, for sure. But in the hands of a more daring director, it could have been so much more.

Two Lovers

This Movie Made Me: Meditative

The chamber room dramas of the 1970s are perhaps some of the greatest films ever made. Kramer vs. Kramer, Interiors – character studies that were quiet, contemplative, and ultimately shattering. With Two Lovers, director James Gray (We Own the Night) takes these sensibilities and a few strong performances to create a bleak but transformative tale of love.

Leonard (Joaquin Phoenix) recently moved back in with his parents. Still reeling after a failed engagement, Leonard teeters on the brink of suicide. His parents set up a meeting between him and Sondra (Vinessa Shaw), the daughter of the man taking over his father’s dry cleaning business. Soon after, Leonard meets upstairs neighbor Michelle (Gwyneth Paltrow), an exciting but destructive woman having an affair with a married lawyer.

Leonard is desperately in love with Michelle, but she can’t break things off with the lawyer. Sondra adores Leonard, but he’s ready to throw everything aside for a relationship with Michelle. Leonard must decide who to turn to – the woman he adores but may never reciprocate, or the woman who would devote herself to him entirely.

Sondra is in the same place as Leonard; they both love someone who only wants friendship. He implores Michelle to accept him, telling her she’ll learn to love him with time. Should he follow Michelle and risk rejection, or should he turn away and save Sondra from the same kind of rejection?

At the heart of Two Lovers is the enigmatic Leonard, brought to stunning realization by Phoenix. His speech is slurred, and he shuffles around with a world-weary look – he is completely real, a broken soul looking for a reason to live. He’s quiet and earnest with Sondra, outgoing and jokey with Michelle. Phoenix splits Leonard into two people, and seeing which side survives is absolutely thrilling.

Paltrow’s Michelle is wild and exciting – teetering on the edge of control. Shaw’s Sondra is quiet and sweet, too devoted to speak out when Leonard turns away. They create completely different scenarios, and Shaw and Paltrow put in fine, thoughtful performances. As Leonard’s mother, Isabella Rosselini also puts in an impressive performance where looks mean more than words.

The screen is filled with images that constantly infer Leonard’s place between Michelle and Sondra. As Leonard and Sondra make love, the camera drifts over to Michelle’s window across the courtyard. The style and mechanics of the film become almost invisible, paving the way for the elegant writing and natural performances to lead the way.

Two Lovers shows how dependent love can be – how a relationship cannot be fulfilled without reciprocation. It seems like a no-brainer, but Gray and Phoenix show it isn’t as simple as it seems. If Two Lovers is remembered only for being Phoenix’s last performance (apparently), then that’s all the better. With any luck, future filmgoers will turn to it and find an honest reflection on the things that affect us all.